I buried myself today

Yes, you get that right. I buried myself today.
I had a breakthrough, recently.
A real breakthrough.
I felt like I had a new heart, a new identity and I must let the past go.
I felt like the lens that I was applying to see the world didn’t support me anymore and didn’t apply to the place I am in now. This old identity was poisoning my actions. I had been working on my mental for so long, yet all the bad experiences, BS from the past were coming back.
The things I didn’t say, and things I said – unnecessarily.
Things I thought I had to be about, dream about.
The way I breathed, drank, ate, walked, and did things to be okay, to exist, to survive.
The constant feeling I don’t fit…
I always see things differently but by naming them “chaos” I became a part of this mess.
I couldn’t breathe in my old self.
I wanted to go, see, experience, and my old identity was annoying me with the past. She always said no. She had no time, or energy… what kind of life is that?
She said I’m too much. I thought I could somehow change her mind, bit by bit, but no. She was always dragging me down. Next thing I know, I’m on the cemetery.
It’s an end and a beginning of something.
I did everything to leave her at peace.
The feeling was very very good.
Now, it’s a time to be laud and change things around.
Who’s here?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *